There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
