I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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