Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
