I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
