And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
