Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
