Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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