I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
someone owes me an orgasm
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize