Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
