his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
