I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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