I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
