The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she peed on how many people?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
