It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
