And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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