Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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