Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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