sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
