I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We had sex on a dog bed..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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