I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
