He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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