Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
