oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
