I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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