If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
