do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize