Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Dear god my vagina.
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