So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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