btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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