I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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