why do cheetos always look like penises
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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