She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
