You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
