I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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