I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
His nipple licking is glorious
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