Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize