did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
