god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
