Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
