How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
