I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
