I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
