My room smells like vodka and shame
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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