when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
