I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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