I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
