you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
