real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
we're so committed to being not committed
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
