Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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