Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
