I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
