she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
