Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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