We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
