Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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