So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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