I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
