She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
