wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
