you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
