There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
