when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
