You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
