My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
