Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
