You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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