It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
