can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
