Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
