Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
