time to smoke my breakfast
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize