Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
