Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
