I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
should my penis look like a turkey
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
