I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize