You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
