grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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