Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
