someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Man, jail baloney is awful.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
