they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
