I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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