Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
