so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
we're so committed to being not committed
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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