You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
