I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize