Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
