watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
