Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
