since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
