So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
