If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
