i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I AM VODKA MAN
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
