My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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