Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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