So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
