Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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