I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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