According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize