my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
