i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The uberlube is also flammable
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
