so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just had sex on a roof
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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