Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
