I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
