I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
