i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
