did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
